Doubt AGAIN

i really dont understand myself right now
i always doubt things i cant make decision at all

i dont even know what is the emotion i should have it right now

i just got the latest news about the national service
and i am in 3rd batch.

maybe this is fate,but i just dont know..
should i happy or disappointed that i am not in 2nd batch..

anyway,i have to accept it.
just..this is once in our life time,i just dont want to miss it.

we cant get this kind of life outside there.maybe it may be difficult time but once get over it 
then theres nothing would stop you anymore.

i told myself,once step into this way,i will never stop it or turn back.
i told it same to my mom,and she tell me that is so wrong
perception .

she asked me,what if i really got a hard time in there and it's half way ,how am i going get over it?
i never think like this before.

i just know i must get over it.cause i will never turn back even it's a really difficult time.

but never think about how difficult time it would be..
 if i can get over it,then go ahead,get the best result i could.

if i cant ,then better stay here until i can get over the hardest time..

hmm..what should i do now..?..

i doubt many things actually,even the room

i really so hard to decide a thing,even a small thing

last time i doubt because of choosing private college or university
now i get over it,and doubt about the rooms.

i prefer single room.i got my privacy ,freedom even my sleep time.
i really cant imagine if i got a roommates that its early bird
omg just kill me. i cant go to bed so early..

sometimes maybe it's early to me but it's sooo late to others.

i think better get single room now.hoping dont change my mind again.
i really tired with it.