我在想..

Monday 30 April 2012

其实我一直都在想..我这么做是对的吗?
我的选择是正确的吗?..

妈妈,我又让你失望了吗?..
每次我告诉你我要去外州读书时,你都会告诉我..
sand,..妈咪只有两个女儿..
明知道你舍不得..可是却做了这个决定..
让你担心,左右为难..

我在想,我如果你不让我去..是怕我会失望吧..
可是让我去又让你成天都在担心我..

突然觉得自己好自私..只想着我自己将会怎样怎样..却忘了我的家人,会不停的担心我..

虽然你不曾说过你会担心,而且每次都刀子口豆腐心..明明就是担心却说不关我的死活
之后又一直叫我以后妈咪不在你身边了不可以这样,那样。要靠自己..
妈妈总是最了解我..

我最记得,也最感动的你告诉我
如果我不好好照顾自己,每天想着不吃这个那个,为了减肥..你会去到金宝带我回来..
就算浪费掉那些钱你也甘愿..只是要我健康..

妈妈..我该怎么做..

我做对了吗?..
我只是想要以后你会为我而骄傲..

我只是知道..就算这路有多么的坎坷我也会走下去的..
因为我必须为我自己的选择负责任..

我不知道会怎样,当18号来临时..
我不知道会以怎样的心情看着你们离开..

我只希望,全家人健健康康的,生意也顺顺利利的..
还有,如果生病了去看医生..不要每次生病了都说没事的..

我真的很怕..
我很胆小,成天都胡思乱想..
想这个想那个然后在那边流泪担心..

或许在别人眼里,觉得我很奇怪吧..
金宝离吉打才3个小时就到了..
干嘛没事哭得死去活来..
我也不想这样的..一想到要离开我们的家..家人,..眼泪自己跑出来的..
真的控制不了..

我真的很爱我的家人..我离不开任何一个..
这个决定是对的吗?..

我很奇怪吧.. 
明明可以选择槟城的,不必离开那么远..可是我却不想读在那里..
我疯了不成..
其实妈咪你们不知道..不是我想离开那么远,只是那里的环境让我害怕..
我害怕自己变坏了,却不知悔改..我知道你们都说不会..但未来我并不知道会怎样的..
我清楚自己是很容易被感染的,我不懂得拒绝..也不会说出好听的理由..
每次拒绝的理由都很没头没尾..可是我真的不会..

我真的很害怕我想象到的事情都发生..我害怕我忘了去槟城读书的目的,.我害怕我变得好玩而忽略功课..
那里诱惑多,我真的受不了的..

对不起..我不是故意要离开那么远..我不是故意要让你们担心我..
我只是想要到一个能让我好好专心的地方..
我只是想要学习独立..

我明知道你很不放心我..才18岁.怎么放心得了呢..
我想让你知道,我长大了,在你们身边我永远独立不了..
看见你们我会忍不住撒娇..做出一些孩子气事情..
就连要点餐也要你们帮我点..

妈妈..真的对不起..




Oopss ! it's May!

aww..it makes me so nervous watching 18th of may coming nearer and nearer

im in totally complicated mood,
sometimes i am really excited to going there,have a college life.
but,when i think of got to leave my family so far away

i always watching my parents and sister,they keep on talking about
when i'm in kampar,take good care myself and lots thing

i have a very small family,just 4 of us
daddy,mummy,sister,me.
since 2008,we got new members ..our dogs.
they are my family too..

i think of..whenever we go,we used to go whole family
we never separated.

and this time,is really going out of here.

18th may,so fast.

more 18 days and i will be in kampar

i still can lunch with my family,but not dinner anymore.
they need to get back alor star ,and tomorrow need work.

seriously,i feeling so guilty to my parents.
im sorry to choosen kampar as the place i want to further my studies.
but i really cant fit in penang Tar college.,i cant stay under that enviroment

it makes me feel so..uncomfortable.

maybe ,..i shouldnt visit kampar utar.
so that i can force myself to study in tar college..
i think..

labour day! ^^
finally we can rest in our home,making some home cook.
oh,my father and sister like to cook ,*i really wonder why i dont like it at all...
my sister likes to create out something special,and only my sister recipe.

now,i really enjoy the moment with them..
and appreciate it much.

the first time uh,gotta leave so far.
it['s not million miles away but it is very far to me.

everytime im trying to pack my things,i looking at my books.
and think..
should i bring all of them?
gosh,i need a new rack for those books!.

but if i didnt bring them,then i have nothing to do ..

anyway,happy labour day!
gonna enjoy the times with family!<3

preparation to kampar.

Saturday 28 April 2012

is that too early to prepare everything to kampar?
and should i bring whole room things go there?i just worry there might no place to fit in...

i gotta bring this that and everything in rooms!

actually,i dont excited to there and kinda worry about the life in kampar..
i read lot peoples blog and hesitated .
it seems like so hard to study there,and it's cost everything.
i must hard working from the first day then,it's not enjoying anymore .

i live with xin-ning right now,we stay in a room.
gonna be great right?i hope so.
i will learn to tolerate ,and learn to be independent...
hope we will get along well at there.

huu..i feel so sad to leave family actually..

i really appreciate all the times with them now.
suddenly i feel 18 years,are so SHORT!
or maybe i dont even appreciate and think about it last time..

i look at family,my puppies

i cant hug my parents,i cant play with my puppiees..
i cant even touch them

i must take a photo to see them if i miss them.
some people suggest skype
yes,i know skype but my parents are tired after work
i dont think they still have the time to online like i do.

maybe i only can listen to their voice..

now,i feel so great when my mum was nagging at me.
i know she care for me,..

once i go there ,no more staying in my personal room,with air-cond in
no more people will nag at me,shout me,scold me.

hu...jiayou sandy.

gonna be a hardtime in the first time ,i guess.

i scare i will home-sick.
my dad told me,if scare home-sick then dont go .stay here and for sure i wont home sick cause i am at my home.

my mom told me,if i didnt take care myself well,and sick here and there.she will bring me home and forgot about the fees. so i better take good care myself uh.haha. i almost cried when i heard this.

my sister told me.,when i coming back here remember tell her. cause she need times to prepare my favourite food..

i look at my puppies,and feel wow 2 years so fast,i remember when my dogs came my house,he is a real puppy.

so small,and playful. he trick me always,playing around.now gonna leave him :'(

i got another dogs found at outside after his owner throw him away a year.
he 's not strange dog.
it's my dog,my baby.

he likes sleep ,and always.
he protect me,and my family.
everytime we went for a walk,he used to walk infront of me.and i afraid if he is injured when fighting with dogs,so i get him up and bring him home.

i like to touch their fur,my dogs..

jiayou sandy.

Rented double room

Friday 27 April 2012

wake up in the early morning 5am Again!
we going to kampar today, for rent a room .

i thought i will take a single room,cause i need lots privacy.
sometimes,alone is much better.just sometimes

we need three single rooms, in second floor starting.
and at last it turn out to be 2 double room.

me and xin ning stay in a room, and jovelle gonna live with somebody else that she doesnt know.
it should be we dont know who is going to stay with her.

it's sooo tired, sitting in the car for almost 4 hours this time

we finish everything at lunch time,and after we finish the rooms thing,we seperated.

i went to tesco,having lunch at sushi king,
gosh i dont know how long never go there since i know sakae.

i'm glad that at last we take double rooms,i can see how much happy my dad when i took double room
yeah,it's much lighter little bit..
i will try to save up all money i've got dont worry mum.
my mum so worry me,keep me telling me this and that,dont waste things ..
and almost everything she talk about there.

i know my parents was trying convince me to penang,but i'm really sorry dad,mum..
i really feel so guilty..,i couldn't make it at last..

feeling so heart pain when parents trying to fulfill my wishes.,i can see how much tired they were,
driving for almost 12hours today,never stop.
going to kampar,is a good place to study but isnt good place to let me meet my parents .

my hometown so far away,i dont want them come here and back wasting for almost 6 hours just to see me.
....gotta leave alor star....

my mom asked me to come back when it is semester break only,..but what if i miss them?...

i never leave my family so far away,and it's going to be 4 years ..
 i dont know what should i do  ..

now all i know it just appreciate all the time with themm..every single moment,

4 years, so long..

it's a good start for me to independent .......


I'm done.

Wednesday 25 April 2012

it's really tired for everyday have to think about where should i go.
and when i made up my mind,
parents dont think about it,just keep on and keep on tell me form 6 form 6 form6
then ask me go think about it AGAIN!

it's happen EVERYNIGHT!

i hate it! i'm done with it!

it's torturing my mind,i'm tired of thinking it again and
i hate change when i made up my mind.


if parents never want to let me go ,why they give choice? and everynight repeat.

if you really made up your mind to go there,then we'll let you go.
  dont say it again if you are lying me.

I ALREADY MADE UP MY MIND!

i dont want to go form6 ,i DONT WANT IT!

STOP talking me about form6 anymore,i hate it!

why they never respect my decision?just because i will change it when you tell me reason?

if dont want to let me go,dont give me choice,dont speak me with good words,...
dont ever tell me if i want to go anywhere and you will let me go..

i know where i want to go now..but all of you just asking to me change again?

or want to me think it again and again when i already made up my mind?

keep on asking me think about form 6,the benefit and everything
actually just dont want to let me go .
ask me think about is actually Want me to go there.

my parents respect me giving me the choice but indirectly ..you forcing me to go.

i really tired of thinking this .
really,please.
i am tired.


Speechless

Sunday 22 April 2012

this time,i am really speechless.

finally,i made up my mind to utar. and suddenly...

my daddy told me,maybe our family need to slow down our expenses

i know really well,how high we could expend in a night,or a week.

now i'm going to utar,if we still continue this
it will be a hard time to all of us.

if this decision bring hard time to my family
i would let it pass by without hesitated.

i couldnt enjoy and study there,and my family are save up everything just for me to study.

it doesnt mean i must study there,just..if i have the choice i will choose there.

living cost in kampar lower than in penang.i believe.

so now,i am really sorry to my mous,jiawen and xinning
if i couldn't make it.

when daddy tell i must get pass everything and get ptptn , all i can do is just telling daddy
 i will try my best but i cant give you a guaranty.

it cost money whenever i failed in a subjects.

seriously,i want to go there badly.

form6 gave me a bad impression.
i am still going to private ,after i got my form6. isn't?
then why i am wasting my time there..

it's really hard to get government university.if i got enough luck.
 i m not going to be a teacher.so if i got that something about teaching,
i probably would decline it on the spot!

so at the end ,i am still going private.


i really hope,everything will be fine and smooth.
i want to be a part of utar student.
but if situation unsuitable, i will go form 6 ..:)

 

Visited Utar Kampar

Wednesday 11 April 2012


we woke up 5am in the morning ,and straight head to kampar.
it's really tiring.
feel so thankful and touched ,to parents.
it's really hard to find a day have good rest but because of i am going there and they have to woke up 5am
drive for almost 3 hours .
 
actually after we visited Utar,Westlake House,Ktar and MCDonald.
we were going to visit that..teluk intan. it's a historical places,very famous i think
and i never seen beforee,it's quite excited bbut unfortunately it's 50KM from kampar to go
we just turned back and thinking maybe  next time.( i know that next time will be VERY long time)

finally my parents brought me to kampar and visit that University that i would study there soon
actually is still pending,they trying their best to convince me further it at Penang.

cause Tunku Abdul Rahman College are even famous than University.and nearer
 

just i really prefer kampar,even though is really far to  get back my home
but there is a place for students.unlike penang,mix up everyone together
and their would get rob anytime .
the guard house is just for the sake of got a guard there
they dont ask where you from,or what you going do here.

Utar is really much better,it's like a town for student .
everywhere student,McD full with studentss.
my daddy become the oldest inside that McDonald.

i really love the environment there

A real university lifestyle



i want to study there.

if tomorrow is the last day,and where will i choose?
of course kampar,but if it is not..then maybe penang..

but seriously the environment,the accommodation..kampar 1st!

if the first sight see those houses,and dont feeling well
then better dont stay there,cause i going stay for 4 years
GOSH!,how i going live in the place that i feeling so..Not well

parents always ask me to think about 4 years dont only think how fun it would be at kampar either penang
i really think about it.

....
they asked me to make up my mind,and they will just accept it.
but when i told them my decision they started convince.

....






bloody fish

Friday 6 April 2012

hey don't get me wrong!

I'm not scolding bad words

its a real bloody fish.


it makes me want to throw out ,how horrible it is.ahem maybe just to me...


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smile

Thursday 5 April 2012

i just bought this book in popular,and i really love it

it say..smiling is like a power to bring you getover ths hardship.

seriously i dont know it is true or not ...

just,now i'm learning to smile it whenever i met anyproblem.

and i remember a sentence very good in the book.

if you think about problems may come to you then it really do.
just dont think about it. it wont come towards to you.

smile may change your thinking when you're moody,
just smile even you are upset.

always remember smile and be positive

so....

SMILE
:)



Doubt AGAIN

Wednesday 4 April 2012

i really dont understand myself right now
i always doubt things i cant make decision at all

i dont even know what is the emotion i should have it right now

i just got the latest news about the national service
and i am in 3rd batch.

maybe this is fate,but i just dont know..
should i happy or disappointed that i am not in 2nd batch..

anyway,i have to accept it.
just..this is once in our life time,i just dont want to miss it.

we cant get this kind of life outside there.maybe it may be difficult time but once get over it 
then theres nothing would stop you anymore.

i told myself,once step into this way,i will never stop it or turn back.
i told it same to my mom,and she tell me that is so wrong
perception .

she asked me,what if i really got a hard time in there and it's half way ,how am i going get over it?
i never think like this before.

i just know i must get over it.cause i will never turn back even it's a really difficult time.

but never think about how difficult time it would be..
 if i can get over it,then go ahead,get the best result i could.

if i cant ,then better stay here until i can get over the hardest time..

hmm..what should i do now..?..

i doubt many things actually,even the room

i really so hard to decide a thing,even a small thing

last time i doubt because of choosing private college or university
now i get over it,and doubt about the rooms.

i prefer single room.i got my privacy ,freedom even my sleep time.
i really cant imagine if i got a roommates that its early bird
omg just kill me. i cant go to bed so early..

sometimes maybe it's early to me but it's sooo late to others.

i think better get single room now.hoping dont change my mind again.
i really tired with it.






problem between us

Monday 2 April 2012

i do believe times can make our friendship blow up
i just wish we could get it over.

times make us misunderstand each other ,and build up a wall between it.
cause we doubt.we never meet since we out of this school.

we got our jobs to do,we cant get out anytime as we like anymore
the day we get off different.

i dont blame anyone.really.
i dont want to have a fight .

just we need to tell the truth.

we used to play truth or dare to get know recently how we think about each other
but now,no meet,no truth or dare,dont know what thinking at all right now.

remember our craziest dare? that is really crazy,and how closed we were...

eat the nasi lemak inside the class while teacher were infront .
play chess,when teacher asked us to study ourselves.

secret birthday party.

i remembered the six rules.even we complained about no freedom
but we didnt even broke it.

now did they broke?
i dont know.

we tell the truth to each other.no lies.
let make it this time too okay?

calm down and speak.
when we having a quarrel,that means we getting more far to each other

anger controlled our mind.just calm down.

dont speak easily,when you are in a mad.you might hurt the person you care.

we will getover it right?i believe.
it just ...misunderstand...

no only one people cause this,it's all our fault to make this happened in us.

by the way,i will apologize first.if i did anything wrong.

i really appreciate this friendship.i dont want to broke it.

Mous<3